Compassion

I was recently at the vehicle registration office trying to deregister my vehicle. I cannot say that I am a fan of the DMV (are you?), but I can say that there are always people there going through quite a bit of stress, self-inflicted or not. The line that day was like the outside of a sports venue, minus the tailgating, the laughter, and the fun. Then, there was the guy checking everyone’s paperwork. He wasn’t mean-spirited. He was out there doing the best job he could. When he got to me, he told me that he couldn’t take any more people that day. I had waited for quite some time in line and I was having a really terrible day but he was unable to help me out that day. I asked him if he’d be willing to reconsider since my case was quite simple and I had all the necessary paperwork (when I got it done the other day, it literally only took two minutes to complete). Then he asked me the question that made my blood boil, “how long have you known about this?”

I couldn’t respond. Everything turned red. It was hard to see through the anger. I know he was only doing his job, but he happened to catch me at one of the worst moments I’ve had in years. It felt like he was saying, “you should have planned your mental health crisis, your major life changes, and everything in between around these two minutes so you could turn in your license plates.” I wanted to burst out in rage, but it wouldn’t get me anywhere. So, I decided to make an urgent call to my provider to work it out.

Later that evening after I was in a more calm state, I did some reflecting on that moment. How many times have I done that to someone? Did someone have that same feeling about me? Did I even bother to hear them out and really take the time to understand their issue? To be honest, I don’t know if I have ever done that. If I have, and you’re reading this, I offer you my sincerest apology.

This brings me to my point, how many times as leaders, do we fail to show compassion and grace to people because we are frustrated with how our day went? Can you think of anyone right now that you should have been more compassionate towards recently? Life is hard. Don’t make it harder on people by being so rigid. I have never been worse off for taking the time to listen to someone in their time of need. Even if you cannot accommodate them at the moment, promise them some time and stick to your promises.

Also, do not needlessly point out their life’s mistakes that got them to that point. You should feel honored that they came to you in their time of need. It means they trust you and if it’s a total stranger, be the one person that took the time to listen to them. Chances are people won’t remember what you said to them, but they will remember how you made them feel. Make them feel worthy of love and compassion.

~Rey