It was the Worst Day of My Life
As I stood waiting for my wife and son to walk out of the auditorium for college orientation, I heard these words come out of a young lady’s mouth. She was describing the recent news she had received about her housing assignment. Apparently, the dorm she wanted hadn’t panned out and she was now in a less desirable room.
Of course, this old man in me immediately thought, “These kids nowadays are so soft.”
I quickly forced the thought out and instead tried to think of what my worst day would have been at the age of 18. Memories of shark attacks in basic training or the waves of humidity that crushed this Montana boys’ spirit upon landing in Georgia for basic training. Those were some rough days for sure, but without deliberate thought I don’t remember much.
Now a much older man I think of my worst days like losing a lifelong brother in arms to suicide, being in combat, or having one of my kids tell me they hate me after punishing them. Those still sting and make my eyes lower as they fill with tears.
To this young lady based on her emotions, attitude, and her family’s reaction, it was in fact at that point the worst day of her life. On the other side of it, I watched my son talking about travel times between campus to dorm, local gym, and chow spots. Even though his dorm location changed, he seemed unaffected by it.
Before I go on, let me clearly say that this isn’t about my son being better than this young lady. I’m sure she has faced adversity and had trials in life. I just want to highlight why experiences are such an important part of raising children and even in mentorship. My son has moved about 9 times in his life across the United States and Europe. He has also navigated international travel by himself. All 4 of my children have dealt with divorces, remarriages, and the sometimes teterious waters of a blended family. The point is they have had to deal with the good, bad, and ugly of life.
As parents, we want to do things for our children. Sometimes we are overcompensating for inadequacies we had from our childhood or mistakes we have made in their lives. However, just like leadership, we must allow them to learn lessons and we need to let them tackle adversity head on. Because the truth is they will all grow up and leave the house. We all know that life isn’t easy, it will pile upon you and make you want to scream. That’s just life and being an adult and even some of the worst days of your life are now looked on with a little admiration in our ability to persevere.
Jordan Peterson talks about it in multiple talks and books about how we can’t caudle our children and need to let them work through their own shit sometimes. While I agree, there can be a stark nature construed from that. Your approach should be one of support without smothering. Creating an environment where they can find themselves, overcome issues and difficulties, while knowing that no matter what they can come to you. You will be there no matter how bad it is, free of judgment and saving the lectures after circumstances have been worked through.
Leadership isn’t much different; you should have the same approach with the people you lead. Where you don’t control, but you also are not completely hands off. They know no matter what happens, you will be standing shoulder to shoulder with them as you work through it, together.
I hope this adds value to your life!
~Mike
